FAITH

We would stay awake long into the nights, giving each other company, sharing a small table lamp between us to save on electricity, my mother sitting tirelessly at her table stitching clothes and I studying endlessly for the scholarship that I was aiming for.

Some times it would pain me to see my mother work so hard, I knew that sitting at the table for long hours at a stretch gave her severe neck and back pain and caused her eyes to hurt. I on my part would baby sit and give tuition so that it would ease our financial conditions. It was always difficult for us to make ends meet after the sudden death of my father. Rarely if we ever had a chicken or a fish for dinner would become an occasion of joy for us, or being able to afford new clothes on a festival would make the event more special for us. We derived happiness from the little joys of life even amid all our daily struggles, and prided in ourselves as neither me nor my mother had borrowed a single penny from anyone.

The turning point in our lives came when my hard work paid off, I was granted a 75% academic scholarship, but soon the celebrations ended as we realized that even after saving every single penny , we still dint have enough savings to meet the rest of the expenditure. My heart sank, and I could clearly see the regret in my mother’s eyes for not being able to cover even the minimal costs.

I silently walked out of the house blinded with tears that had welled up in my eyes in a direction I dint know of, that day I walked aimlessly around the busy streets feeling desperation and hating god for the first time in my life.

By the time I came back home I had given up any hope of being able to study, bitterly with a broken heart I folded the precious letter and buried it deep under my books, i went to my mother who was still sitting at her stitching table to console her and to try to convince her into thinking that I was not as disappointed as she thought I was.

I clearly remember that moment between us, she had looked at me, her eyes calm as never before and with an usual resolute, “God cannot let me down again” was all that she spoke to me and was all that was spoken between us that night, i just nodded with tears in my eyes again as I put my head in her lap and fell asleep exhausted that night.

Days passed by nearing the last date to respond to the scholarship. Although I had lost the hope of studying any further, I would still pray for a miracle to happen.

Maybe I can call this a miracle when on a fine sunny morning there was a knock on our door from a gentleman who had come searching for my mother. He said, “I have heard that you are the finest tailor in the locality, I have a small offer to make to you, the tailor at my garments shop had to take a sudden leave from work, I am left in a soup as I have a consignment to complete, I am ready to pay you in advance along with a bonus if my work is completed on time. I would be grateful to you if you accept my offer to work with us”.

I wonder if the gentleman was God sent, because after he left my mother turned to me with tears of joy and a smile, she said, “see dint I tell you that God won’t disappoint me again”.

When we are together

IN THE STREETS WE ARE WALKING

ABOUT OUT KIDS WE ARE TALKING

HUMMING AND COMING THE CONVERSATION IS ABOUT THE WASHING MACHINE AND THE TV PLACING

U TUCK ON TO MY PLEAT

AND MAKE ME FEEL SO COMPLETE

WE WALK FROM THE STREET TO THE NEARBY JOGGERS PARK EMBRACING THE PURE GREENERY

UR SMILE ADDING A FEATHER ON TO THE  THAT SPECTACULAR SCENERY

I LOOK INTO UR EYES WITH A CONVINCING SMILE AND A FEEL THAT U ARE ALWAYS MINE

AND THINK AND WISH I GET TO KEEP U IN FRONT OF MY EYES FROM NINE TO NINE

SPENDING A MILLION IS WORTH WHEN IT IS FOR HEARING UR LAUGHTER

OF WHICH I BET AM THE BIGGEST ADMIRER

COMING TO PHYSICS THE STRONGEST ATTRACTING FORCE IS UR SMILE

FOR WHICH AT ANY POINT OF TIME I CAN COME TO U FLYING EVEN A 100 MILE WHEN U R UPSET MY HEART IS IN PAIN

AND GETS TO DREAMING WHEN U UNFOLD

 THE SUPERLATIVE DREAM SEQUENCES OF US IN THE MISTY RAIN

URS ARE THE LIPS WHICH MY EYES ARE ALWAYS ADORING

TASTE OF WHOSE I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE EXPLORING

URS IS THE HAND FOREVER I WUD LIKE TO HOLD

AS THEY RADIATE A SENSE OF BELONGING WORTH IN PURE GOLD

IN ALL AND ALL

A WALK DOWN THE AISLE MY AIM WITH U ON MY ARM

BE UR SAVIOUR AND KEEP U AWAY FOREVER FROM ALL HARM

WUD WALK THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT TO THE DAY OF SUNSHINE

WUD BE BY UR SIDE ALWAYS AND EVERYTIME

AS U ARE FOREVER MINE

U R FOREVER MINE

The walk down the empty road.

Certain people leave behind their footprints in our hearts forever and our lives are never the same even when they are no longer there. Today when I walk alone on the wet sand, I look back, I can’t see your footprints anymore coz’ they have been washed away by the waves of time, but the imprints that you have made in my heart, can never be washed away…

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling feeling numb about every other existence around me, trying to accept the fact that he is no longer there who has made me laugh till my stomach hurt, whose lap I deliberately sat on while watching the TV, who whispered sweet poems into my ears & whose hand I had always held when we went for walks together. He was gone, just like that, without an explanation. Laying here alone in bed, our bed felt so empty, the bed sheets unworn… And only these words kept repeating in my mind ‘’its over’’ and my mind kept replaying the scene of him holding his suitcase and walking out of that door, while I just stood there frozen watching him in disbelief.

I can never forget that fateful rainy day, when he had come through the door with his hair dripping wet, it was noticeable that he had been in the rain all day, maybe just walking around trying to find a way to break the news to me, after looking visibly anxious, quietly he sits down on the chair, looks at me and speaks to me softly "we need to talk" ,
"This isn't the easiest thing for me to do, I can't go on this way anymore, this thing....I-I-I just can't!" he started to stammer.
I stood there still taken aback at his anxiousness, trying to put together what he meant.

’’I am leaving you, this relationship is over." he said lowering his head.

I never saw this coming, I thought my life revolved around him, no matter how busy I would be at work I would always find the time to call him during my lunch breaks, would text him whenever I could steal a chance, I would spend my Sundays cooking his favorite dishes for him, and I never realized how less I thought for myself, & how much I had tried to balance between my busy work and love life, without complaining.

I just stood there silently listening to him apologize to me for “letting me down’’ , and how much he thought of me being the nicest woman ever known to him but yet its impossible for him to stay in the relationship any longer.

Maybe I was too dumbstruck to cry or plead to him to not walk out of our relationship, or push him to tell me why he was leaving me, while he looked at me confused and mistook my silence as a signal to leave.

I felt heart broken, as I broke out into tears that over flowed with pain. I fell to the ground and sat up against the wall, while I see him close the door behind him to leave. I sat there alone and confused for I don’t know how many hours trying to understand why all this had happened to me, to our relationship. It's over just like that? No explanation? He just left me to wonder why?
Days and nights went by, followed by weeks without even a phone call or a text message from him. I would run to open the door every time someone would ring the bell thinking he was back, or rush to answer the phone or the text, with a racing heartbeat thinking it could be his, and finally gave up thinking he would ever call me or would ever come back through that door again. I don’t remember eating or sleeping or seeing anyone during that phase, all I would do was look at the snaps we took together, recall memories of togetherness, read his texts over and over again and feel desperate and cry myself to sleep.

I ached to call him to demand for an explanation, but neither could I get through his number nor did I know where he had disappeared. I would stand at my balcony where once we both shared the morning paper discussions and jokes over coffee, looking far far away trying to introspect my life, what had gone wrong with our relationship and why did he just walk away on me without an explanation but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get an answer.

And months later I see him at a cafe, sitting there with a lady holding her hand just like he had held mine, looking into her eyes and smiling at her just like he did once to me, and speaking something softly into her ears just like he did when he would share one of his poems with me. My heart sank, and my entire existence trembled looking at what was in front of me and the memories of us being together, the time that he walked away on me, & the pain that I had suffered till date, made a chain of sequence in my mind.

He left me for another that was his explanation.

A mother’s heart

This is a story of a mother remembering her child after his death and how everyday of her life looks like.

To a mother, her children are grown up adults to only the world but a mother’s heart would always forever see her child as the baby they once were.

In the dark nights that follow each night, I sit trying to remember my son all grown up. But In my mind he is still the little black haired baby boy I use to hold in my arms. My heart aches and I feel that I cannot breathe.
I am awake thinking of you, as I so often do since you died. Tonight my sleep was interrupted by the thought of this being one month exactly since that day. It feels as if it were only yesterday.

We lost you on the 8^th of Jan. We dint even get to bid u a final goodbye. At least, I do not feel as if i did. I remember how I would kiss your forehead when you would come back home after you’d win a basketball match, and Then I kissed your forehead again at the funeral home when it was so cold. Still, all I could see was my baby, even when you were 25 yrs old.

As each day passes I keep thinking it will get easier but so far the pain still remains as if someone is ripping out a part of me. I wish I knew what to do with this pain. Mourning a loss doesn't go away easily. It is a long process of disbelief, shock, anger, depression, and a little acceptance.

You were always such a brave son, you always wanted to join the army, although I felt proud of your choice, but in my heart I would always be worried for you, and when you got that letter calling you to war, I prayed day and night for your safe return…

Return you did but not as how I had seen you go, you came back to me and you wouldn’t even open your eyes to see me nor would you speak to me to tell me that you love me even if it was for the last time

You always said you were going to live life like you wanted. And you did. You lived your life to the fullest, you lived life one day at a time, just as I am trying to accept your death, one day at a time.

Everyone loved you. I don't think I have ever known anyone quite like you. One by one everyone came to me wanting to share a funny story and to tell me how you were their best friend. It seems you were everyone's best friend. I was so tired from standing and listening to all those stories but would not have missed it for anything. Watching the faces of those who loved you talk, was wonderful. Each had their own special story to recall with tears streaming down their faces but still a smile or even laughter at the things that you would do. My baby had grown into a wonderful loving man and friend. You had touched so many lives. I only wish you knew how much you changed so many people. How special you were to so many.

I cry for you because your life was short and I know how much you loved living. But I know you are no longer tired, or in pain.  Now you can rest.

The struggle to let go is a long hard battle for me.  I do not know how long because I have barely begun the fight. Part of me wants the pain to stop and the other part wants to hold on to every little thing my mind can pull up. I feel like I cannot let myself forget anything, yet I cannot continue to sit and think about you every minute of the day. Meanwhile I count the days you are gone, and continue to have periods when I cannot control my tears. And every day when I wake up, the first thing I see in my mind is your face.

A stranger no more

Have you met someone, who has been a stranger to you, but from the time you have laid your eyes on them, you knew that there is a connection between the two of you, and that unwittingly you have hopelessly fallen in  what is called as love at first sight.

Some enchanted evening 

You will see a stranger 
Across a swarming room 
And somehow you would know
That somehow you’re going to see them 
Again and again and again… 

what is your take, have you experienced love at first sight? or has your love story taken time to build over? 

Say it.. before its too late ...

A short story ...

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the guy next to me. He
was my so called "best friend". I stared at his dark, messy hair, and wished he was mine. But he didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, he walked up to me and asked me for the notes he had missed the day before and i handed them to him. He said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade

The phone rang. On the other end, it was him. He was in tears, mumbling on and on about how his homies had left him. He asked me to come over because he didn't feel like being alone, so I did. As I sat next to him on the sofa, I stared at his beautiful, brown eyes, wishing he was mine. After 2 hours, one basketball movie, and three bags of chips, he decided to go to sleep. He
looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year

The day before prom he walked to my locker. "My date is sick" he said; she's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, we were standing at my front door step! I stared at him as he smiled at me and stared at me with his crystal eyes. I want him to be mine, but he isn't thinking of me like that, and I know it. Then he said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as his perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get his diploma. I wanted him to be mine, but he didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone
went home, he came to me in his smock and hat, and I cried as I hugged him. Then he lifted my head from his shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That guy is getting married now. I watched him say "I do" and drive off to his new life, married to another woman. I wanted him to be mine, but he didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before he drove away, he came to me and said "you came!". He said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a guy who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a letter that he had wrote during his high school years. This is what it read:
I stare at her wishing she was mine, but she doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish she would tell me she loved me!
I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried.

What is your take on mercy killing/Euthanasia? do you think its ethical?

Euthanasia is the deliberate killing of a person for the benefit of that person. In most cases euthanasia is carried out because the person asks to die, but there are cases where a person can't make such a request. A person who undergoes euthanasia is usually terminally ill.Euthanasia can be carried out either by doing something, such as administering a lethal injection, or by not doing something necessary to keep the person alive (for example failing to keep their feeding tube going)


This is in reference to the famous Aruna Shaunbaug's case


MUMBAI: It was work as usual for KEM Hospital's nurses a day after the Supreme Court observed that they had taken "amazing care" of their colleague Aruna Shanbaug. Nurses smiled when the observation was pointed out to them, while their dean pithily expressed his team's "indebtedness".

But there was no way of judging the mood in the locked room in the women's medical ward where Shanbaug has been kept for over 35 years. "The bed Shanbaug occupies is meant for nurses who need medical care. Yet nurses have, through these decades, stood firmly behind her and even gone on protest when the BMC ruled that Shanbaug should be moved out of KEM to free that bed," said an old-timer about the relationship between Shanbaug and her one-time fraternity.

Shanbaug was sexually assaulted in the canine experiment room on November 27, 1973. When the rapist, Sohanlal Walmiki, used a dog chain around Shanbaug's neck to subdue her, he ended up cutting off oxygen supply to her brain. She was subsequently certified as being in a persistent vegetative state in which the patient is capable of smiling, crying or screaming, but these actions are not in response to any emotional or external stimuli.

"In the first few months after the incident, we were asked to volunteer to spend time reading or talking to Aruna. It was hoped that she would snap out of her state," said a recently retired KEM nurse. "She was two years senior to me and we had worked together in some wards. We were not friends, but were well acquainted. She was one of the prettiest girls around, with fair skin and brown-green eyes."

A nurse who checks on Shanbaug said that their longest-staying patient's thick curls have now become sparse. "She is grey and she lies in a foetal position because she has contractures (loss of joint motion due to changes in muscles, ligaments, etc)."

Over the years, the nurses tried various ways to 'revive' Shanbaug. A doctor remembers the "weekend parties" that nurses would organize for their colleague. "They would get food from the nurses' mess and sit in groups with her. The tiniest rash would be brought to our attention," the doctor said. In the last 37 years, a handful of people have been allowed to sing or read to Shanbaug. "A nurse sang to Shanbaug but she gave up after a couple of weeks. A priest came for three months to read to her. The nurses even played bhajans for her on a tape recorder, but in vain," the doctor said.

Most nurses who worked with 63-year-old Shanbaug have retired or are on the verge of calling it a day. "But every time a new nurse is allotted to the ward, she has her duty cut out: call another nurse and servant to lift Aruna into a wheelchair for a bath," said a senior nurse.

A doctor formerly with KEM Hospital, however, is sceptical about Aruna's so-called enjoyment at having a fish curry. "She is in a state in which she cannot recognize any external stimuli. People who say she smiles in recognition or turns to look at them when they speak are just being hopeful."